I Am A Damn Good Soldier
by SuzySlasher
Summary: Captain McCuntly is the new member of the TF141. She is a damn good soldier! Follow her as she doesn't attempt to convince the men of the 141. Rated M for language


**Disclaimer: All the characters from Modern Warfare except for the stupid OC belongs to Activision & Infinity Ward**

**A/N: This is a PARODY! Please do not take it seriously, I swear it is just a PARODY!**

**If you'd like you can read and review!**

I am a soldier, and I am a damn good one. I will constantly remind the reader throughout the story in case they forget. I am a woman who takes charge, and even though I have no military knowledge, I have been serving my country now for over ten years, even though I am only seventeen. How in the fuck I did this, well I have no idea.

My name is Captain Commander Lieutenant Angel McCuntly, and I am a new member of the TF141. I will not allow the men to intimidate me, but I may allow them to screw me through a mattress, but only after I have saved them from themselves.

When I was dropped off in the stretch limo, I reported to General Shepherd who had already spoken highly of me to the men. They held a briefing just for my arrival, and the men were not at all eager to meet me. They will try to discover my vulnerabilities, but they will be sadly disappointed when they find I have none.

"Gentlemen…I would like you to meet our newest and most valuable team member. She is a qualified soldier who you will treat with respect and admiration. She is possibly bulletproof, stab proof, and from what I have been told…death proof." General Shepherd clapped his hands in appreciation.

"Thank you general, thank you." I strolled up to the podium. "I would like you men to know that I am a soldier, and I am a damn good one." I stepped down and took my seat.

Later, after storing my gear in the room I will be sharing with Captain John MacTavish, the Scottish buffoon who I will have many arguments with, and then possibly allow him to screw me afterwards, I head over to the mess hall.

The men stopped eating as I entered, but I am not afraid of them, because I am a soldier, and a damn good one. I make my way over to the chow line where a soldier in front of me speaks meekly. The poor thing will need my protection later on I assume, and so I try to boost his ego.

"Well soldier, it seems you are but a weakly, but do not fret, I…Captain Commander Lieutenant Angel McCuntly will protect you from whatever dangers you face. I will not allow you to die on my watch, you can depend on that!" I take my meal and leave him as the poor unfortunate sergeant weeps at my words.

"So MacTavish…it seems you are a disorganize malcontent who needs help. How long have you been serving idiot?" I growl as I punch him in the arm to show him my soldier like strength.

"Well McCuntly, I have been a member of the armed forces since I was nineteen, and I am now thirty-five. I have been a proud memb-"

"Yeah…yeah…blah, blah, blah. I really don't care." I waved my hand at his dismissively.

I had to shut him up, and so I pick up my tray, and left the buffoon to himself. I have no time for bullshit, but I must make sure that I catch a tan before the sun goes down.

I go back to my room, strip out of the hideous shit the military makes me wear, like baggy camouflage pants, and loose fitting t-shirts that hide my full figure. I take off my cap, and my long, black, non-regulation hair falls down my back.

I look at myself in the mirror, and take in the beauty that is me. I am all woman, make no mistake, and my taunt body which shimmers even on a cloudy day, and in a room that is in total darkness. It certainly makes me proud to be an American soldier.

When the captain comes in I do not cover myself. It is not only because I am just one of the guys, but also because I want to make sure he gets an eye full so it will secure me a good screwing later.

"I-I apologize…just let me get what I came for…and I will take my leave."

The idiot covers his eyes, grabs his HOT MEN magazine, and leaves. Idiot. Does he not recognize perfection when he sees it. Well I will make sure he does after I save his life, and he cannot help but to fall into my arms. I will provide him with comfort, and sex. If he is not thrown into jail for statutory rape, I may give him a second helping.

My call sign is 'Lady-Queen-Bitch-Twat', and the men had better damn well respect it. I love this well deserved call sign because I am a woman, and I should have a call sign that signifies this. I will not take this call sign as sexist bullshit, but will accept it to be reminded everyday that I am a girl who has no fucking business being in the TF141.

Our first mission was to infiltrated a bunker that held some shit that I really could care less about, because I don't dally in detail. I will shoot to kill, ask questions later, because I am a damn good soldier who doesn't need directions, and other important stuff to make the mission a success.

My team consisted of three men who stressed to me that they are veteran soldiers, and have always relied on each other. Some guy name Meat who I can see how he got the name, even through his jeans I could see he was well hung. I make a mental note to put him on my 'to do list'.

The second was the weepy soldier who for some reason goes by the call sign Roach. Poor thing, I bet he never gets laid. Maybe I will call him Bug…yeah Bug sounds cute. The third guy was a man by the name of Ghost, who wore a hideous mask to probably cover a hideous face, who was trying to look all cool and shit like he was an officer. I have been told this mask never comes off. He eats, showers, sleeps, and takes a shit while wearing it. I will also see if he has sex with it on. I make another mental note to add the mystery man to my 'to do list'.

The mission was a success…at least that is what I was told. I didn't stick around when blood and people matter started flying all over the fucking place. I had just washed my hair, and I didn't want that shit in it.

When we returned to base, I needed a shower, and so I told MacTavish, and for some reason the weepy sergeant Bug that was showering with him, that I needed the hot water for my gorgeous body.

"Stop using up all the water you twisted men lovers, I need to shower too!"

I stomped away and thought to myself how could this be. Here I am a perfectly fit seventeen year old girl, and these two are in the shower bumping uglies. I sat on my bunk to wait for the captain and the sad boy to get the hell out of the bathroom.

When they came out, I saw that Bug was actually kind of cute, and so when I pinched him on the ass, the Scottish buffoon punch me in the eye. Well…it was on. I pulled my katana from my back, and did a double back flip over his head.

The sergeant screamed like a girl, and took cover in the closet.

"So captain…Once again, I must tell you about myself! I AM A SOLDIER! AND A DAMN GOOD ONE!"

The buffoon began to spout nonsense in his native tongue at me. I at first smirked, until he reached under his towel, and what I thought was his man meat, turned out to be a M1911.

"WELL I AM A GAY SCOTSMAN, AND IF YOU ASK THE MAN IN THE CLOSET…I AM A DAMN GOOD ONE!"

The funeral for Captain Commander Lieutenant Angel McCuntly, the homophobic, stupid, idiot girl, was held that afternoon. It was not because she was much loved or respected, or not even because she was a damn good soldier. The reason why she was laid to rest so soon, was because everyone wanted that bitch in the ground as soon as possible.


End file.
